10. We're minimum wage workers. We don't get paid overtime, we have to work on holidays because of you, we have no benefits. Minimum wage earners generally do a minimum wage job. We don't get paid enough to deal with your s###, so we probably won't.
9. Half the people who work at your theater are teenagers. Many of them have never had a job before. It's a part time job for a high school kid. Ease up on them. If you have to wait an extra minute for them to check with someone about a question you have or how to do something on the register, simmer down. For crying out loud, they're not your brain surgeon... it's a movie, your life isn't at stake. And if you treat us like idiots? That's exactly the kind of service you'll get.
8. NO, there is NOT a scene at the end of the movie, just GET OUT ALREADY! You may want to stay till the end of the credits, but we can't start cleaning up your mess till you leave and there's already a line of people down the hall wanting to come in for the next show so just LEAVE! You're not an avid fan to us, you're a freakishly exasperating customer!
7. Your popcorn isn't hot enough? Well guess what. My shift isn't short enough, my break isn't soon enough, my pay isn't good enough, and I'm having a really hard time feeling sorry for you right now.
6. Getting a mini Diet Coke doesn't actually balance out the fact that you got a double jumbo size popcorn that's drowned in butter and salt. It's still cheating on your diet and it's not going to slim you down at all.
5. There's this little thing on the back of the toilet that makes it flush. Learn how to use it.
4. If your kid isn't even teething yet, leave them home. If your kid can't sit down for two minutes without making a sound, let alone two hours, leave them home. If your kid isn't potty trained, leave them home. If your kid thinks popcorn is confetti, for the love of God, leave them home. And if your excuse is that you can't afford a babysitter? Um... how are you affording to come to the movies?
3. That thing about not using cell phones in the theater? We mean it. That thing about shutting up and letting everyone else enjoy the movie? We mean it. That thing about not fornicating in the back row? We mean it. Think we don't have the authority to kick you out? Think again. It'll probably the most interesting thing that happens all day, so we won't hesitate.
2. If you're the sort of customer who has a hissy fit about something stupid, then threatens to leave and never come back... that's not a threat. We're actually HOPING for that. Please, by all means, leave!!! I'll get the door for you!
1. CLEAN UP YOUR OWN #@$*&@# TRASH ALREADY!!! IT'S NOT THAT HARD!!! DEAR GOD, THE MONKEYS AT THE ZOO ARE CLEANER THAN YOU!!!!!